A Strange Goodbye

Goodbye to those last vestiges of pain

To those lovely reminders of a fast approaching end

Those marching soldiers of death always forward

Goodbye my faithful yet demanding friend

I gave you my life and now I am reclaiming it back

You wont give up that easily.

Quit your tenacious grip in my brain

It is not going to work

This old girl has crossed over to the other side

Meet me there if you dare

No, I must'nt chide you

I must thank you for your unrestrained company

Would have continued walking by your side

Till death do us part

But I want to live now so let me be.

I thank thee once again

With wishes for you to not come back.

This is what I call, a strange goodbye.

To Heaven and Beyond

Photographs cannot grasp as many moments as words. The limits for imagination get stretched beyond anything which is why this need to pen down my thoughts. This is more in the nature of expressing my feeling of awe. It is strange how cities make you yap incessantly, every word uttered quite inconsequential and insignificant. Not quite the case in places far removed from civilization as we know it. Here I don't dare utter a word out of context from the fear of disrespecting the beauty around me. Surrounded by limitless towering peaks and lush stretches of land, I do not feel diminished by this vastness. On the contrary there is a sense of challenge. I am invigorated to do everything in my power to preserve this beauty. Arunachal Pradesh the "valley of lights" has invoked this light within me.

Death’s Dance in the Palms of Mortals

Booming turmoil through a normal day

There a sun turns red with rage

And here mortals writhe in pain

Embellishing one’s mind with all that gore

What’s the point, one may ask

In a world disturbed thus

Such questions appearing polarized

Endless debates leading to nowhere

Disturbed by the human toll

There is a tug at one’s heart

Far removed from all these miseries

And yet, is one an island?

Concern writ on the ones who survived

For victims of the perverseness of human mind

Concern that it could be me another time

Losing everything, spare inches from oblivion

The toil and sweat of a thousand gone

Cascading down into a pile of rubbish

Thousands thoughts being the definitive cause

While creation and destruction see-saw

One wonders at the infinite power to create and destroy

Scary though sounds such a proposition

Truth ringing from every aspect of this realization

One waits to see in what favour shall the balance tip....

Everything Beautiful in a Lover’s Paradise

I can understand that this is really girly and nothing like the real world, but being a dreamer, I dream of the best things possible. Of course it is not as if I realize that these dreams will never be true, but what’s really the harm in writing about them??? You might ask what’s the point….I say just because I feel like it. So here goes :)

The bluest sky in my mind’s eye

Sun bursting forth in winter’s chill

Thousand colored flowers tint my sight

That’s the beauty in a lover’s paradise

An azure ocean glittering till the horizon

Sandy yellow beaches beckoning out to you

Corals delight, fishes flit, a scene from a travelogue

That’s the beauty in my paradise

Floating clouds like huge puffs of down

A slash in the middle and coolness pours forth

Sitting on them like the queen of the world

That’s how I dream in my lover’s paradise

Everything in stock, with nothing left to want

Happiness reflected from every eye I meet

My small perfect universe in the corner of my mind

Yet it fits right in, in my lover’s paradise

Love that transcends into the higher echelons

Where peace and tranquility rule always

Absence of a loving touch not withstanding

That’s how I feel in my lover’s paradise

Shadows of Things Unknown

Lurking below the dark waters

Are treasures unknown

And dangers too real

Scared be us, but of what?

Inside the black darkness

Enter we must

But with hopes of what?

Sheer tragedy or happiness unbound?

With time clicking in your head

And sweat dripping down your back

You take a step forward

Knowing, there’s no other way

What’s to be expected

From life’s great moments

When they are mere illusions of today,

The only real thing being tomorrow.

Shadows of tomorrow,

Leering at you today.

Will you walk ahead with head held high?

Will you?

The Doe-eyed Girl Like Many Other

The doe-eyed girl

Tapping on my window

Like the insistent tapping of a bird

Wishing to escape from a cold storm outside

A plaintive sigh beckons me

To look into those honey colored eyes

I look away because I am a coward

Scared of the guilt, threatening to barge out

She could sense it too

There she stood, her palms outstretched

A baby strung to her small being

Like the scene from a macabre play

I shake my head vigorously

Pleading in my own way

With a blank stare trying to see nothing

Numbed by the ocean of differences we share

Her liquid eyes began melting my heart

A faint glimmer of childlike mischief

Shines from within

In spite of a face aged by her life conditions

Responding to my innermost emotions

My ice-cold heart thwarted out of its numbness

I reach out into her world, our world

And pull those emaciated cheeks

The light turns green

Flashing an impish toothless grin

She bounces away into oblivion

While her doe eyes linger in my heart.

Only Human

Shivering with delight

The green frond above

bouncing with colour

The red earth below

The magic that maketh

Heavens burst out

The magic that maketh

You and me enthralled

Forgive me for my sins

Forsake me not when I call to thee

I did what I did just to survive

And yet these evil clouds beckon to me

A silver of glimmering hope I live for

My hearts an aching

Waiting for mercy, heavenly or otherwise

There is nothing else that I be praying

And as I close my eyes

I hear a voice within my head

It was all meant to be this way

With an air of finality, it said

Not a believer of fate

Or the quirky stuff our lines proclaim

I still can’t help venture a wondering

As to the proceedings of this life game

Is it what we do?

Or do events unfold at their whim?

Do we reap what we sow?

Or is it all truly a holy mess?

I know just this, when fear strikes

And despair threatens me thus

I close my eyes to be subjugated

To my weakness of being only human.

Something Incomplete

Take me away to the wild wild country

With not a soul to wait for,

With not a reason to cry,

Just a lot of green, with a hint of colour

Hurrying through life

Has not been my forte

Let me go somewhere to behold the sight

The sight of blue white sky and the ocean beneath

The gold yellow flowers under the dark starry night

A TRIP LONG OVERDUE- A SUNDAY WELL SPENT

Each one of us have dreams and imagine trying to fulfill them one by one, the sense of satisfaction one gets is beyond any other thing in the world. I have wanted to take this road trip for a very long time and it was the biggest relief when my dream actually fructified. It was a Sunday well spent. Packed my bags and set off in true roadies style, eight of us on four bikes. The only regret was that I did not know the two things that were essential on a road trip. I don’t know how to swim or ride a bike but those are dreams for later on when someone patient would actually teach me those skills. Moving on, as we kept travelling, the sun slowly rose over our heads.

Believe me, the sight of a night sky studded with stars slowly changing its hue to a rosy pink, with the sun as an orange topping over this delicious canvas, is something that would inspire me forever. A rising sun is the sign of hope and good things to come in the future. 120kmph was the normal speed and within a span of one hour we covered 70 km. The going was slow but where is the hurry? The world may move on as it pleases on the highway. We took our breaks, just soaking in the sights and sounds of fresh country green with rocks scattered around as if it were all the design of a very talented artist.

With the progressing day and the rising heat, the landscape changed, giving way to valleys and forests, dried up as a result of the approaching summer. It changed my perspective about the concept of beauty. Beauty need not always be apparent on the face. Beauty lies in the stark naked rocks with no cover from the sun; it lies in the dusty roads wherein the haze obscures a reality and gives us the sense of being transported to a world beyond ours; the dry scrubs of forests making us a behold a new shade of summer; the small rivulets reminding us of the paradise within. Who said that summer is not beautiful? That it is colorless or lifeless? Cringe and cry all you want with the heat but interpreting the words of my favorite author, the tongues of fire that ravages you externally soon becomes a part of you and you become the fire, after all it is about conquering a threshold of pain.

With this grand realization in mind we move on, the speed was increasing, the desperation to near the destination gaining vantage. And here we are within the center of earth. As if a huge bowl of earth was scraped from within the core of this planet. This is me describing the heat. But the wonders of wonders!! Instead of the molten lava flowing in the bowels of the earth, we found sweet cold water. Bursting from an unknown source, drenching us with a fulfillment of all the promises we made to ourselves. It was the most amazing experience ever. A bottle of beer in hand and a happy song on the lips, we jumped into the water and took to it like a fish. Exploring greater reaches of the falls, we conquered our fears step by step. Soon the heat of the rocks just added to the pleasure we got from the cooling bandage called water.

It was indeed with regret that we packed our bags and made our way back home from the Kuntala Falls, 270 km from Secunderabad. I would never forget the newness of this adventure, the hardships suffered and the bonds of friendship made, etched forever in my memory, thank you guys.

An Ode to a Dear Friend

Beware, the fainthearted

Friendship not being for the weak

The deep chasm that grows from within

May not be strong enough for you to bear

This is an ode to a friend,

Someone close to my heart

For someone who has defined my life

Distance is good for a short short while

Cracks might fall and they maybe patched

But dont let this upheaval of feelings

Keep your dear friend for forever away............

Spoils of a War Fought and Lost

Hurts like mad

To decide whats important

Livin for others or living for urself

Dignity being the last salvage

In a war with no winners

It is dignity I choose

For whats the life of a mongrel?

Gettin stones thrown at

And abuses hurled at you?

Nothin is worth the trouble

So you grab that last trophy

And run like mad

Away from all the despair

To a new tomorrow, a new life

Good luck to you, to myself and

With the choices one makes.

Do Not Weep On My Ashes

Here lies my ashes,

Here lies my remains.

Cry if you want,

Weep if you must

But then I am gone to the world,

Gone to this happy living earth.

Living on this earth,

Each moment, each hour,

Striking down on my survival,

Lack of air supply,

Lack of reasons to stick on.

Have to move on,

Have to try the next stage,

Death is dear, life so much more dearer,

But it all had to end, someday, sometime.

Laughing out loud now that I am gone.

Its been such a joke that nobody got a clue,

Nobody knew the torments from within.

At this moment, I wish, life was different.

That I didn't make those mistakes

That you left me for.

But, such is life. Honey

Love you always, love you till your end.

That is my last testimony.

I love you.

Some New Insights

On a Saturday afternoon, after a pleasant conversation with a complete stranger, I am getting some new insights about the life I've been leading uptill now. It is confusing indeed to not know what to pick, from an array of choices that life has to offer. But then one again one wonders, have those choices been really offered or am I just trying to boost my own ego?

This life of singledom sure is playing tricks on my mind. While I flit from person to person, trying to place my hooks in the right one, I get played everytime. So what does this old girl want???

Just a little bit of understanding, sympathy, care and affection. Seriously these are things highly overpriced and men find it so difficult to dole out. Forget men, everyone in this generation has a problem with freely giving out. It is as if the whole world is out to see where the free goods come from and nobody is willing to pay a price.

Simpler was the generation when all folks had to do was choose their mate, work for one's basic sustenance and make babies. No complicated thoughts of whether "this" is the one or not. If it is'nt then old school proposes,"dude deal with it,you don't have another choice." What do we have now? Just look at the mind staggering number of breakups one has to witness all around and even in one's own life....

Its a fact that my life has been no different from the other confused people of my generation. It is indeed funny that Ive been into so many relationships. Its a surprise I still have'nt quit. Time and again, my dad asks me what am I looking for?I reply "Love." He laughs hard, tousles my head and asks me to get real. In spite of all my misadventures, why do I get the feeling that things will turn around and that I'll find true everlasting love like the kinds one dreams about??? That my knight in shining armour would come riding on his pure white horse and take me away....

Is that why people keep trying?Perfection is what I just dreamt about and I suppose that is what everyone seeks in life. A perfect relationship, a perfect love. But what is perfection? It is something like happiness. Not unlike the title of the movie "A Pursuit to Happiness", perfection can be strived for but achieving it completely can only be an ongoing pursuit. Reaching a definite perfection would after all leave us all too jobless and dead to do anything more. Challenges are what makes and defines us. Challenges in a relationship and the way in which one encounters it, is what makes life so exciting.

So my advice to all people in love, afraid of love and looking for love, keep trying untill you succeed. I believe happiness is just around the corner. Keep a wary eye on the horizon because you'd never know when lightning could strike and change your life for better or worse. I am crossing fingers fro myself as well.