Fly on the wall

Looking in the window

My senses in a tizzy!

A spectrum of colours,

A gust of wind, ushering me inside.

 

The tapestry of life shining through,

A tear here, a secret lover’s glance there.

Listless grey of sadness darkens one room,

Tinkering laughter glows gold in another.

 

I taste green, the colour of plenty, but my mouth goes bitter from poisonous envy.

There is madness hidden in a riot of colours,

And then a calm voice driving those blues away.

A sudden red hot glaze of anger shoots at me.

 

I back off into the halls, curiouser and curiouser.

I buzz, hmm and haw through life.

I see, I hear, I smell, I taste,

Quietly, subversively.

Pressure Cooker

Bubbling water, escaping steam

The slow buildup to a whistle

It betrays the pressure underneath

Gritting teeth, tense shoulders

Causing a churning within

Leading to unseen invisible explosions

The pressure to conform

The pressure to please

With brain and tongue searching for excuses

And the heart straining to lash out

And then you take a moment

Just before the tipping point

Making up your mind

You go for a long sweet whistle of steam

As you exhale, shoulder loosens, teeth stop grating and your nerves send up a prayer of gratitude.

They pray, never again.

Never again shall you burst from inside.

And yet here we are cooking the very next day. 

My Bloody Bleeding Heart

Adolf Hitler’s invasion of Poland in September 1939 drove Great Britain and France to declare war on Germany, marking the beginning of World War II. 

Why should anyone of us think that the situation right now with #IsraelPalestine is any less triggering? As we go on with our normal lives, is the loss of HUMAN lives in Palestine/ Israel any less important? I mark the word intrinsic to us in caps. I had to.  

Loss and lack of human dignity anywhere in the world should be close to home, close to our identity as HUMAN BEINGS. Can we all stop thinking like our lives are untouched??? As there is a social media upheaval on social media with two sides constantly debating on what's more horrendous, I feel conflicted as a consumer of social media. 

Would it have been better if I were only exposed to creative outlets focusing on fine arts, music and crafts? Yes, to my sensitive mind, all the mindful actions on propagating our fine senses, imagery and colors would have been enough. However, the social media algorithm seems more persistent on exposing me to the ugly reality which is happening outside of my pretty and somewhat curated sensibilities. 

As a person with rather sensitive predilections, what goes on outside my imagination, in the real world, affects me. Given all that I have been noticing with the crisis in Middle East, my layperson understanding of the same, I cannot ignore the same.

I realize that the prelude to my dilemma as a human being is somewhat extensive (write that off to the romantic at heart), how can we really focus on anything but this crisis? Human rights violations have become commonplace I agree. Perhaps the social media algorithms (I say AI) have become immune to the daily sufferings. But we HUMAN BEINGS  still have the WRIT and by that I mean we still have the consciousness to separate right from wrong. 

How can we ignore the heart rending sights from Gaza and Israel? If owners of those profiles meant for my heart to bleed, they have done the job. My heart bleeds at the sight of tragedy (Explaining it, seems trivial and pointless). 

How can we do this to each other? And how can we still all act as if everything is hunky dory? It is beyond me. 

Oh I know, politics is in everything (I do not live under a rock). But can we stop for a second, say a prayer for the unfortunate? And pray very hard that peace be on all of us living and dead? Pray that we are protected from our worst instincts and hope that the unknown power upstairs continues to forgive us for this latest travesty? 

Needed an outlet for my outrage and profound sadness. Thanks to the internet for providing this space. 

 If this is not the time to think of others what's it really then??

Signing off as a HUMAN being

Undone

 In a place so wide, so wild,

Silence being the only sound

Silence and the whistling air

They ring like the chime of a Gompa’s bell

They chant like the prayers from a monk’s lips

And within me, the hum and buzz grows

Raising me up to the endless snow line,

To the sandy peak that speaks of isolation

To the valleys beyond, that portray long journeys.

Feeling unbound and unchained,

At the mercy of my will,

To not falter with every step I take.

My every breath, not my own

But a debt to my future

To a future that asks for mindfulness

These mountains have gotten me undone, I am lost.

I came for answers but now I have questions.

I sought for peace but now I am conflicted.

Looking for the otherworldly feeling, this place shook me up.

These mountains have gotten me undone.

How easy it was to have planned this journey,

But now after having made it,

Nothing should ever be the same again.

Ideally!!

Yearning to Fall

What is that strange light in the end?
Luring you in like a moth to a flame?
Filled with tantalising promises 
Promises of glory, brilliance and fantasy

And yet something sane holds you back
Keeps you from burning up like Icarus
Side to side oscillating like a pendulum
You are forever left standing on that ledge

It's that spark slyly reflected back to you in the mirror
It's those dreams calling out to you mid-sleep
It's those emotions rearing for you to take leaps of faith
It's that understanding that you are leading only a half life

So would you go fulfill this crazy urge?
Would you dare to take that adventurous trip into the unknown?
Or do you keep it locked in?
Forever looking down into the abyss, yearning to fall in?

Fly on the Wall

Felt like a spectator all my life
From the outside looking in
Watching from afar as histories made and lives lived
Witnessing my stead both joy and grief

Attempts made to mingle alon
Laughing when I was dying inside
Sober as laughter threatened to rip through
This game I played, for far too much time

Mask upon mask I wore with time
Played my roles to the T
All the while wondering inside
Is there any point to such play acting?

Crowded rooms stifling me throughout
The me inside me reduced to an amorphous blob
Every atom in me torn to bits
Shaken and stirred like an incongruent cocktail

And as I painstakingly put the pieces back
With the knowledge of a thousand lives lived
All those games and all those lies
Pointing me towards an undeniable truth

That maybe this insane desire to fit in
Was a rite of passage perhaps?
An attempt to help me value my singularity?
To be the spectator and not the player

To be that speck invisible yet present in the moment
Armed with the power to be circumspect
Watching silently as secrets unveiled and truths revealed
Quietly being that fly on the wall.... 

Looking for Safe Spots...

Looking for the yellow, red or black boxes
For what has been convenient,
What has been advised
Always looking for these boxes to tick,
Spaces to fill..
Mindless representations and mindless decisions.
When has it ever been for sheer honesty?
As clear as the water in a spring brook,
Or as clear as the touch of a guileless puppy?
Where, you do not lie to yourself?
Or tell yourself, all is well!!
Where you do not fear the wrath of power and consequences?
Spots of all colors are available for your choice.
Blue, yellow, green, red and orange.
Square of self imposition and self importance.
When are you to be the wave on the water?
The color outside lines?
Fluid, boundless and limitless,
Flowing as you deem fit?
When the grasp for free air?
Gasp!!
And when the feeling of owing noone for what's right?
What's right?
Is it like waves on the water with unseen whirlpools?
Or something familiar and something safe?

Jungles so Grey!!

Where dinos roamed
And elephants gallivanted,
New giants have emerged,
Of nuts and bolts, of glass and steel.

High rises standing straight,
Protect us better than trees, from rain and shine.
Cement droppings and sewage puddles,
Lie about in lieu of meadows and streams.

Monster trucks romp about.
So do potholes, dust and exhaust fumes.
These are the predators of a new age.
Covert & overt, they lurk around.

In search of disappearing habitats,
Bees and birds find comfort in concrete
As is the case with pests and pets!
Is nature taking over?

Once where colours appeared through prism of rainbows,
Now you see them brightly reflected in oil spills.
Once where animals were adorned by feathers and horns,
Comes new fangled fashion of plastic chokers and metal piercings!!

Who said that jungles are disappearing?
They have just changed form!!

Left Behind

Leaves they shed as seasons go by
Countless layers with flying time
Peeling each one back, I see
The ravages of time or an improvement perhaps.

Yesterday plays a beautiful lullaby
Beckoning me forth to the warm cocoon of nostalgia
While today sways from good to bad
Maybe the morro holds true hope?

What I was to what I will be
A timeline marked by endless moments
Moments, always holding court
Taking me further away from reality, the now!

My mirror from past paints a picture
Hurriedly I rub the dirt away
Worried that dirt's all that survived
That the chinks shine through all the glow

Today calls me silly
Silly since I am already a pretty picture
I could try harder
But I will be what I am, what I was

To make peace is a dream
Acceptance is likely the path
Seasons it's taken for truth to emerge
All the leaves, the mulch and dirt gets left behind.

Cattle Goes Moo.... That is all it does!

Indians have been a servile lot from the medieval times, always looking upto a leader to guide them to 'Ramarajya'. While many of these iconic leaders have gone down in history as the people who changed the face of Bharat, we the current movers and shakers of Indian sub-continent need to ask this to ourselves, 'Why do we allow ourselves to be led like cattle from time to time?'

After centuries of subjugation, a few free thinkers gifted us the idea of democracy through a Constitution, by, for and of the people. We got gifted the concept of free and fair elections. Adult suffrage and equality to all irrespective of caste, religion and gender were envisaged. Do not get me wrong, plenty has changed and I feel blessed to be the citizen of a free India. Yet here we are again in midst of another monarchy called the 'Modi sarkar'. Majority of Indians now look upto this one man show to solve all their problems. Be it caste based or religious discrimination, women safety, poverty, environmental degradation, agrarian crisis or any other trouble that plagues us, we expect PM Modi to be our saviour. We constantly keep forgetting to look within ourselves to find solutions and then blame the government alias Modiji for not figuring things out.

One year into the Modi sarkar, what are we seeing? Executive, legislative and judicial independence shot to hell, setting of political agendas opposed to public interest, lack of succor for victims of agrarian crisis, environmental concerns being thrown out of the window for the sake of soulless corporations, the list of failings may go on. Not much has changed and yet we the people refuse to use the gifts of democracy bestowed on us. Public debates, RTIs and writs remain the weapon of choice for a few conscientious individuals and the civil society which is sad considering that India is the second most populated country in the world.

Quoting an article I read in The Hindu today, 'The problem is not created by an individual politician like Mr Modi; it is a reflection of the consistent infantilisation of citizens in these democracies, which have eviscerated their power. What is more concerning than the dumbing down of political discourse is the public's response.'

And until people rise upto the occasion, all the cattle can do is to 'moo' away. 

Conscience?! Nonsense!!

I do not like me.

You should not like you.

You who tots a weapon with glee,

Me with my misplaced sense of justice.

Rearing ambitions and raging hormones,

Contributing to this sad plight called earth.

A race defined by its so called conscience,

Laying waste to this planet.

Are we better or those instinctual dumb brutes?

Right and wrong displaced with grey areas.

And karma shot to hell.

Where does this journey lead?

What legacy do we leave behind?

Speaking of Ghosts from Fair Countryside

When we encounter haunted, scary places, I often wonder what kind of spirits lurk in the dark, whether they are good or bad, whether they will harm me. Here is a poem on that thought.

Objects to speak of there maybe many
For now, this mind dwells on one
On clanking chains and burdens heavy
Of my skipping countryside ghosts
And the ones,townsfolk deem scary.

Business of ghosts, I tell you, is morbid.
If've seen one, I'd probably run fast
But behind a desk, writing on them is what I did
Versions of ghosts, of the ones happy and sad,
Of the ones that found peace and ones with heavy hearts.

Spirits be all same lurking around in dark corners
But to who doth the heart wish joy?
Whether it be for the cold souls dragged asunder
Or the ones floating in joyous abandon
Long and hard I ponder.

Sordid tales maybe told of the crummy ones from town
With their evil glint and unhappy howls
But what of the mischievous poltergeist, beckoning to us like a funny clown
Tales of terror, nay not for those,
For in my gay countryside, whats to frown?

Let me chance upon one so gay
Or one so melancholy to cast a pall of gloom
When I too am on my way.
Bandying along with the simple village folks is what I'd choose
Turning in the grave be for those careworn that day.

With a desire for the mind made free
I'd rather be the one skipping along
Than be the nasty apparition bearing ill will,
With care and concern left behind,
Dancing about to a happy tune in my countryside.

A Strange Goodbye

Goodbye to those last vestiges of pain

To those lovely reminders of a fast approaching end

Those marching soldiers of death always forward

Goodbye my faithful yet demanding friend

I gave you my life and now I am reclaiming it back

You wont give up that easily.

Quit your tenacious grip in my brain

It is not going to work

This old girl has crossed over to the other side

Meet me there if you dare

No, I must'nt chide you

I must thank you for your unrestrained company

Would have continued walking by your side

Till death do us part

But I want to live now so let me be.

I thank thee once again

With wishes for you to not come back.

This is what I call, a strange goodbye.

To Heaven and Beyond

Photographs cannot grasp as many moments as words. The limits for imagination get stretched beyond anything which is why this need to pen down my thoughts. This is more in the nature of expressing my feeling of awe. It is strange how cities make you yap incessantly, every word uttered quite inconsequential and insignificant. Not quite the case in places far removed from civilization as we know it. Here I don't dare utter a word out of context from the fear of disrespecting the beauty around me. Surrounded by limitless towering peaks and lush stretches of land, I do not feel diminished by this vastness. On the contrary there is a sense of challenge. I am invigorated to do everything in my power to preserve this beauty. Arunachal Pradesh the "valley of lights" has invoked this light within me.

Death’s Dance in the Palms of Mortals

Booming turmoil through a normal day

There a sun turns red with rage

And here mortals writhe in pain

Embellishing one’s mind with all that gore

What’s the point, one may ask

In a world disturbed thus

Such questions appearing polarized

Endless debates leading to nowhere

Disturbed by the human toll

There is a tug at one’s heart

Far removed from all these miseries

And yet, is one an island?

Concern writ on the ones who survived

For victims of the perverseness of human mind

Concern that it could be me another time

Losing everything, spare inches from oblivion

The toil and sweat of a thousand gone

Cascading down into a pile of rubbish

Thousands thoughts being the definitive cause

While creation and destruction see-saw

One wonders at the infinite power to create and destroy

Scary though sounds such a proposition

Truth ringing from every aspect of this realization

One waits to see in what favour shall the balance tip....

Everything Beautiful in a Lover’s Paradise

I can understand that this is really girly and nothing like the real world, but being a dreamer, I dream of the best things possible. Of course it is not as if I realize that these dreams will never be true, but what’s really the harm in writing about them??? You might ask what’s the point….I say just because I feel like it. So here goes :)

The bluest sky in my mind’s eye

Sun bursting forth in winter’s chill

Thousand colored flowers tint my sight

That’s the beauty in a lover’s paradise

An azure ocean glittering till the horizon

Sandy yellow beaches beckoning out to you

Corals delight, fishes flit, a scene from a travelogue

That’s the beauty in my paradise

Floating clouds like huge puffs of down

A slash in the middle and coolness pours forth

Sitting on them like the queen of the world

That’s how I dream in my lover’s paradise

Everything in stock, with nothing left to want

Happiness reflected from every eye I meet

My small perfect universe in the corner of my mind

Yet it fits right in, in my lover’s paradise

Love that transcends into the higher echelons

Where peace and tranquility rule always

Absence of a loving touch not withstanding

That’s how I feel in my lover’s paradise

Shadows of Things Unknown

Lurking below the dark waters

Are treasures unknown

And dangers too real

Scared be us, but of what?

Inside the black darkness

Enter we must

But with hopes of what?

Sheer tragedy or happiness unbound?

With time clicking in your head

And sweat dripping down your back

You take a step forward

Knowing, there’s no other way

What’s to be expected

From life’s great moments

When they are mere illusions of today,

The only real thing being tomorrow.

Shadows of tomorrow,

Leering at you today.

Will you walk ahead with head held high?

Will you?

The Doe-eyed Girl Like Many Other

The doe-eyed girl

Tapping on my window

Like the insistent tapping of a bird

Wishing to escape from a cold storm outside

A plaintive sigh beckons me

To look into those honey colored eyes

I look away because I am a coward

Scared of the guilt, threatening to barge out

She could sense it too

There she stood, her palms outstretched

A baby strung to her small being

Like the scene from a macabre play

I shake my head vigorously

Pleading in my own way

With a blank stare trying to see nothing

Numbed by the ocean of differences we share

Her liquid eyes began melting my heart

A faint glimmer of childlike mischief

Shines from within

In spite of a face aged by her life conditions

Responding to my innermost emotions

My ice-cold heart thwarted out of its numbness

I reach out into her world, our world

And pull those emaciated cheeks

The light turns green

Flashing an impish toothless grin

She bounces away into oblivion

While her doe eyes linger in my heart.

Only Human

Shivering with delight

The green frond above

bouncing with colour

The red earth below

The magic that maketh

Heavens burst out

The magic that maketh

You and me enthralled

Forgive me for my sins

Forsake me not when I call to thee

I did what I did just to survive

And yet these evil clouds beckon to me

A silver of glimmering hope I live for

My hearts an aching

Waiting for mercy, heavenly or otherwise

There is nothing else that I be praying

And as I close my eyes

I hear a voice within my head

It was all meant to be this way

With an air of finality, it said

Not a believer of fate

Or the quirky stuff our lines proclaim

I still can’t help venture a wondering

As to the proceedings of this life game

Is it what we do?

Or do events unfold at their whim?

Do we reap what we sow?

Or is it all truly a holy mess?

I know just this, when fear strikes

And despair threatens me thus

I close my eyes to be subjugated

To my weakness of being only human.

Something Incomplete

Take me away to the wild wild country

With not a soul to wait for,

With not a reason to cry,

Just a lot of green, with a hint of colour

Hurrying through life

Has not been my forte

Let me go somewhere to behold the sight

The sight of blue white sky and the ocean beneath

The gold yellow flowers under the dark starry night